Things will change, for that sake, I have changed too

Last six months and the next six too, Life will never be same again, it has all changed so much, people around, circumstances, challenges, Me, perspectives, choices and what not.

Today, when I look back, I see a lesson learnt, well not just one, lot many, but then the entire taken together, I understood life like never before.

I understood what I am, how I am, and what I should be going forward.

To stand by what I choose, because yes, I have heard the distant drums and gone another way, have made a choice, everyone around has a different say on it, what matters is how committed I will be to it.

I feel more responsible towards that choice now, for the reason I have made a choice myself this time, and let me tell you, when you start choosing for yourself, you are a different 'YOU'

I know, maybe because I got carried through the new tunes I may get a negative outcome for the thing I presume has ended, but then, am brave enough this time, for maybe I will have the 'Regrets of my life' once the outcome is public but then I need to stand by myself first and expect from none.

I realised how I am, one who shouldn't be bounded by anything, I need variety in whatever I do, different thoughts should come and go through me, for it helps me breathe.

I realized am not going to pursue ahead what I dreamt of at some point of time.

I am going ahead.

My family, whoa, the way it has stood by, touchwood!

Friends, some solved troubles, some became troubles too.

I got closer to the harsh said thing, What goes around comes around, and now I am more sensitive in treating people around, for I got a first hand experience.

I have learnt its a bad bad bad thing to ask someone make choices amongst relationships, nay, never do that,and if you are made to do one, stand by both the ends and make them realize both are unique and incomparable relationships, for relations are to be flourished and not chosen from.

Just yesterday I spoke out to a friend like never before, and all he had to say was, if you know so much of yourself, how about improvising?

Oh yeah, I have started my baby steps :)
I found a new love too, Calvin & Hobbes, a sheer lovable thing, believe me, few friends gifted me a book of the same and I actually slept hugging it the entire night, Yeah am reliving my childhood.

I am starting myself from scratch today, a better me, a renewed one, a bravo, a supporter, a dreamer and yeah a BUDDING WRITER (my distant drums :))

Lets give Life a fresh slate, a fresh perspective, a fresh me, a better me.

Dancing my way through the dreams :)

Amen !

Talks with the former self over a glass of Lassi :P

Last night my friend told me that our prelim papers are gonna be really really checked as in corrected, for few minutes I actually got nervous, I am solid sure am flunking in the first two, the third I gave was so tiring with sickness, I left it halfway, fourth I didn't give at all and fifth, oh it was good, pretty good. This makes me think, when they say, things go bad, wait, simply wait, it's not the end until it's good. However, the noting point was it was a two minutes anxiety, I was done with it then. I feel the line from Greys Anatomy, that when you have too bad things to think upon, sleep over it, works for me.
I did, Morning I was a different self altogether, calm and done with the thought, that's another thing I slept nagging at that friend of mine that why on Earth you told me that papers are gonna be checked, she knows me pretty well, by pretty well I mean she even knows that perfect moment when someone taunts me and am gonna simply run away from there, I hate taunting back so am kind of a person who will actually cut the convo.
She read it all later and buzzed in the morning apologizing that she didn't think I would react this way. Well, I told her, am done with those thoughts.
Am less anxious with age, that's the best thing I have learnt over the time, I don't show or put my nervous emotions on display, it just doesn't come out, however I have learnt that infront of your besties, you should show it all, rather pour it all, it helps :)
They know how to get you through. I was looking back today, of how I was at those past success moments, the academics I rocked and there was one thing common amongst those years, I didn't have friends, I seriously didn't. Should I conclude I am at my best without these relationships along, like someone recently told me, if you want to live in present and be a success, be selfish, stop talking to people, be mean he meant. I tried connecting these two things, should I stop talking to people, the closed ones I have around, and then something struck me, my former self never got good people, all it had was so called friends who were always concerned of beating the other one in studies, show off types who just wanted to tell what all they had done in studies, would make you scared to death, and would really stress you out, that's why I stayed away, coz yes am a JUGAAD fellow, I don't study everything under the sun, I am not a kind of person who does it all from the day one, there were topics I did on exam days too, simply put, I have been a smart worker and here I am today, trying to follow habits of hard workers.
Bloody hell, sometimes we are just too silly, under estimate ourselves and follow others.
Accept yourself, you are really good, and all that helped me in past was CONFIDENCE, something I have lost completely now.
I am making come back!
It took me so long to realize these things, I don't want you to take that long, really!
Accept and love who you are, you are an Angel!
Just do it your way, if it has worked for you in all those years, don't experiment at this fag end, you won't be really happy happy, I have been there, there is something someone inside you who will say, stop being unfair to me, lemme just be me.
I did, later though, but better :)
Secondly of that the thing of not having people around you, that's true to certain aspect and certain people(who are likes I mentioned above, show off ones) , now I see around, I have two really good friends to hold my hand, they never let me feel low or down, one who makes me realize that she's in the same boat and that she's with me, she's seen me crying really bad, and she was laughing all through coz she found it funny, she really is a sweetheart! And the other who time and again tells me, Nikita, you can do it! If you can't who else, how I wish we had interacted in school days, dude you would have added minimum 10%to my scores, you are simply wow!
If I have to decide on staying away from these two, I will better choose not giving CA at the first place :P
It's good to have good people around, so choose wisely!
And use your own success formulas, we have heard it from people that be your unique self, listening to such stuff is one thing, when testing times come you actually realize it's easy said than done!
These were my bits of talks with my former self, she just roared in, gal, go your way, am dying to see you succeed :)
Time to make her happy! 

Talks along the moon gazing

In this so called bhaagdaud of zindagi
We get so engrossed
So tired
So occupied
That we at times forget how to slow down
How to look around
How to talk
Rather how to converse
Beyond the boardrooms, beyond the meetings
We forget there's a gear called reverse

We just want to run ahead
I wonder at times
Run ahead of whom
Peers? I bet life will go in vain
Ourselves? From when did we become so self motivated :P
Time? Why? When did time declared a race?

Ofcourse there are deadlines
There are targets to achieve
But we don't look at the bigger picture
Neglecting relations ready to breed

When was the last time you spoke for long to a purana frn
You laughed hard with ur bestie saying, ''stop stop! My stomach aches!''
Gave a budding relationship a thought and effort
Gave a listening ear to an elder often gazing at the clock
They aren't running though
They are waiting for their time to pass
Coz loneliness hurts
It Vacuums the heart

All I want to say is
Ruko bhi zara
Kahan hai bhaagna
Hum kahan thehre Singh Milkha
Hum toh hain vo aam log
Jo gum ho jaate hain aksar bhid mei
Isiliye keh rahi hu
Mere liye na sahi, apne liye hi
Kabhi kabhi
Thodi batein kar lo
Thoda dil bhar lo
Thode patang udao
Thodi doston ki udao
Thoda khudpe bhi haso
Thoda unke sath b haso
Kyunki kise pata
Kal ki subah ho Ya nahi

Jaate wakt kahan yeh targets yaad aayenge
Kahaan yeh deadlines hasayengi
Khush karengi toh bas kuch yaadien
Kuch lamhe
Jinhe jina aur bataurna bhule ho
Soch lo
Relative analysis karo
What will make u happy in those last few moments :)
I bet! U will end up having a cup of coffee with a loved one after u have read this!!

Happy Birthday My Bessht Brother of the World :P

Ae Bhai tera Bday aya :D:D:D

Rahullllll.... wish you a very Happy Birthday JJJJJ
Am so so happy to have you as a younger brother..  I have been very much Nostalgic since last few days thinking of all the way down to the day you were not yet born . :P
I remember, looking at all the cousins around having siblings I would come home saying, “Mumma meko bhai chahiye.. laake do na :D” (My silly innocence :P;))

Then there was this day when Mom was taken to the Hospital and I reached home from School and was just not ready to get in home as I was crying out, “Mujhe bhai dekhna hai...leke chalo” (I remember they had to drag me home as I was shouting out loud in the whole building :P)

And those days when we would spend all day arguing ki naam kya hona chahiye and then Bade Chachu and me finally decided ‘Rahul’
I was just so much into an ‘Awwww’ moment when I saw you in the Hospital .. ekdum Angrez :P

And then everytime I used to take you in my lap and sit playing around ...
I used to tell all cousins around, “Dekho meko bhi abhi bhai hai”
You were obviously born with a silver spoon.. Pampered till date :D
The lucky Mascot of our family, as rightly said by Dad

Being a Capricorn, you are typically money minded, one of a kind who directly demanded hard cash on Birthday instead of any gifts citing that I will buy my stuff on my own..
 And then your Foodie habits which over the time brought out the foodie in me too :P
Your way of sleeping on the bed, taking whole of it by yourself and I have to always yell, “Where should I go and sleep, down??” And your reaction would be, “Why down , you can sleep out :D”

The way every night we don’t sleep till we are done with our Gappa Goshti of your fantasies, your friends, my office chores and what not

Then your typical dialogue when I would come home frustrated over something and not respond to you and you would just give me this tough look saying, “Office ki frustration ghar pe mat utar”

Your silly innocence yesterday saying, “Nikita, you know many people don’t write anything on my wall (Fb) but then Birthday pe pata nai kaise main unko yaad ajata hu :D”
You are my Secret Box (And mind you, you have promised me you won’t blackmail me with any of them :P”
Awww... Am just Loving this Nostalgic mood ..
Happy Birthday my Basanti :P

If you are happy and you know it, clap your hands :):)

Bonjour Readers! :*

I know it’s been pretty much long since you had something from me to make your mind wander upon :P
Well, it’s never too late, here I am J

The title of my blog will kinda take you in flashbacks.
It was a song(I don’t think it was exactly a poem) we used to sing bachpan mei…(I used to hop singing it every time I clapped :P )
I am happy today … hash.. It feels lovely, not coz something good just happened; I just realized I don’t need certain benchmarked reasons to be happy…I can create my own reasons to be happy….
Yesterday was pretty dull, well last many weeks were so.
Eventually I thought it’s better to speak out my mind to someone, and the next thing I did was just buzz one of my friend  and while I was telling him my ram kahani :P (dukh bhari :P), he just asked me, “What makes you happy ??”

Though the chat didn’t go on the same lines but after I was done I was actually left with this question, “What makes me happy?”

Let me tell you, it’s heck of a tough question to think upon especially when you are saturated and down low…

I went for a bath thinking over it …I have a habit of listening songs while I bath . (Typical me :P)
Yesterday though they were loud in the background I was lost in my question thinking, Damn, what makes me happy!!
And suddenly this song came up, ‘You are my sunshine’ (remixed version of it)

And I started dancing over it .. that made me realize, Dance is the foremost thing which makes me happy J
I love dancing…I don’t imitate the exact steps.. no no.. :P.. I dance my own way… And I don’t give a damn to who’s around, Dancing is something which can make me absolutely unconscious of the people around.. I don’t need even a company for that, I just need a good peppy tune and am on the dance floor… maybe coz am least conscious my relatives often say it’s a pleasure to see me dancing :P (self pamper ;)) ..That’s one reason at times I love item songs.. they have good beats to dance upon… and its one thing I prefer starting my day with .. I have a habit that during my breakfast in the morning, there will be music channels running on my screen and once am done with the eating stuff and Mumma asks me to help her with her chores I prefer doing them dancing around my home (My Mumma loves dancing ditto like me.. maybe I have got it in me from her :P)

While the song just ended and the next one came up which was, ‘You are beautiful’ by James Blunt I made another realization..
Singing makes me happy J (bathroom singer:P)

I was singing it loud coz I loved it …
Singing is somewhere deep in me, Mom often says I should give it a try in Indian Idol.. Though I need some formal training but am pretty good at it …
I do shy away from singing in public, don’t know why, but I will work on it as yes, it makes me happy :PJ

Sochke yeh b pata chala, Studying makes me happy…
Especially something in Finance…
when am completely lost in my books with no deviation affecting me around I am at a bliss …
And more often even if I study for an hour or so and it was worth it I can dance around .. inni khush ho jati hu :P

Moreover researching is something that works for me... I have analyzed in the last three to four presentations I did that when I research something as in go deep into some concept and that adds whole lot of value to my knowledge I am at absolute happywali state of mind…
I know it sounds weird as to how come studying makes me happy but yes it does to me J

Then there are other minute things which make me happy like looking at the mirror (that’s girlish.. :P but works)
Going out on a trip with certain groups of relatives makes me super happy … (special mention: my travel partner Varsha Rohra.. jaan tere bina trips pe maza hi nai ata :P)

I am happy when am in the air … yeah .. adventures involving me in the air make me overwhelmed .. there was a time I had Acrophobia .. but over the last two three years I have been trying all sorts of adventures involving me in the air … it takes me on a high :P.. I get super excited.. haan once am on the edge I do over react in fear and then there is a typical znmd scene where I ask the instructor to push me :P… I have done this quite a few times :D

And after thinking over all the above the next thing which came to my mind was to share all of this with my readers … bingo.. I am happy when I blog J
It actually helps me.. I love writing, though these days I find time a bit taxing but still writing helps me relieved of stress and brings back a wide smile ….

I am happy when I have a good chat with my close friends … as time passes by, we get less of a time for people around us… still if I manage to have a good chat.. it helps…

Tough once but easy now.. I got so many reasons which I can help myself to be happy …
Creating happiness for yourself is easy… handy too :P

Instead of trying to change people around or expecting from them you yourself can have all your deserved khushi…
and there will be a stage where thinking about these happy-making activities itself will make you khush :P

I am at that stage now …
I am happy and I know it and I really want to show it :P

I would love to know what are the things that make you happy J

We will clap our hands then for sure :P;)

Me and My way is the only motto

The title sounded self centered types right???

Well, don't worry most of us fall in that category....

Yeh kaam ise is way mei karna chahiye tha...
Why didn't he/she do it this way??
Puch lete, time hi waste karna ata hai....


These are a few soft one liners I hear around...By soft I meant this was just a sample....
I mean people go at heights of tone change....

Come on...!!!

Don't create your clones on your own...That doesn't actually leave any room for self thought process...

I mean simple example happened with one of my friend...

He started talking about a girl, "Idiot hai puri....Exams mei bhi fb pe tp karti hai...!!!"
"Isse Acha padhai mei time invest kare..."

I just gave a smile ...

but the thought in my mind was, "Dude, Mind your own business!!!"

Seriously, no matter what we love to comment on what others do, how do they do, how should they do, and at the end he/she should do in a way I feel is appropriate....


Who are you re???

Have you ever seen God doing that...does he come down and comment on your doings that you just say it all around....

It's all a personal choice at the end...

I f you say that I don't wana be God like, no problem...
At times just think how he acts with you...

At times I feel he is my best company....

The best acceptor and change-maker....

I wish I was him....never mind...he shouldn't be cloned!!!..:P:P