Monday, December 31

“Mother, I want to live.”

Time: 11:15am
I was on the couch, just returned from my lectures, as usual the first thing I do when I reach back home, search for the sheets of newspaper. I glance through the wide advertisement on the cover of HT, go through a couple of articles of Brunch and get back to take a look at the Main sheet.
Page 1: Wake up India, she is dead
The ‘Dead’ thing made me go into the flashback of the day before when I entered into my Boss’s cabin and he was working on something with my colleague and it was then that he told me, “You know the girl is dead.” I was like, “What did you just say?” to which my colleague just confirmed saying, “Yes, she passed away early morning” they looked at me expecting a reaction but as usual I just gave a passive look and took my papers and came to my desk. The whole day I carried I was occupied into some or the other thing which anyday was less important than the news I heard but then, I am taught to just move on.
The images on the sheet just brought me back to present and started reading the article which had all the information of how and where the whole thing happened. But something I read just made me shiver, and that was the note the victim wrote to her mother while in Singapore and that was, “Mother, I want to live.”
Suddenly the whole passiveness which I was carrying from the day the incident happened gave up and I was full of emotions, active, angry, sad and what not. I don’t know from where should I start and I don’t really know how will I conclude this write up but there’s certainly an outburst of my emotions.
I was angry and felt so helpless that I was hiding the tears, looking here and there and just trying to escape an eye to eye contact. The only thought was, how could she hold such a brave heart even after what happened with her, how could she demand to live, how could she manage to have the willpower. Had I been at her place, no matter how positive attitude I carry, I would have certainly begged a death coz the mental pain to carry all the life is beyond my capacity.
In all this while I witnessed a lot of discussions happening almost at all the gatherings about how bad her experience must have been, people were circulating her pics, blaming the Govt., blaming the girl’s boyfriend, blaming even the victim that why did she go for the movie so late with a guy, some really nonsensical conclusions were being drawn and I just preferred to stay silent and non reactive to whatever happened. Some came to me expecting that I should tell them a way out in which they can revolt against whatever happened and I just couldn’t answer back.
I know I should have reacted but if I would have, I would have been an extremist and I just did not wanted another revolt at my home. Yes, I was helpless, weak and coward and I am ashamed of it.
I really don’t know whom to blame, if I blame the Govt. as many did, there’s a question on me as to whether I have been a responsible citizen???
Does being responsible only call for taking out rallies and just shouting out that I demand justice for her?
Does that suffice?
Does just discussing it with people around of the victim’s condition a sufficing factor that yes, atleast mera dhyan toh tha news pe? (Bloody hell, please don’t be a reporter out there, we already have many.)
Have I been justified of all my acts from the day I have heard the news?
Did I give top priority to sit back and atleast think of a solution instead of just analyzing who all did wrong?
If I couldn’t take it as a responsibility on me, how am I eligible to demand it from someone else?
If I am limiting it to just an update on fb or just participating in a rally, how will things improve, and to tell you, a rally doesn’t move the mentality of a man who just gets a sense of power when he brutally beats, abuses or for the fact rapes a woman.
Why have we become so much ‘Chalta hai’ Attitude types or rather why do we move on with our life so easily.  Why can’t we focus on something which maybe won’t be directly affecting you, but it is affecting your Family (The Country, I mean)
Why can’t we unite, sit across and decide on something worth calling a solution and implement rather than just playing around with the blame game.
We watched matches, went for holiday trips, went for movies, had parties, hangouts and what not since the incident happened and in between if we got some time, went through the news and just discussed it with some folks around, is that justified?
If you tell me now, that, Sorry I am not that a socially driven citizen(not into any society or social works to revolt against anything), for God’s sake it’s not about social thing here, it’s about being CARING. Being reactive to somebody’s pain.
If you say that there should be a strict punishment for those who rape, I say, agreed, there should be a strict punishment, but then what to do with the mentality. This case came out in public, there would be many which would have not been even reported anywhere and there would be thousands of victims out there still suffering similar abuse, what is justice for them??
Is my body a mere flesh for you to sense that pleasure, sense that powerfulness you achieve??
This is an unanswered question in my mind.
Yes I do feel unsafe but then it’s been long that I have felt so.
From the day that I attained maturity I was made to accept the harsh facts that you can’t go here, the place is unsafe, you can’t be with male friends out, coz they had the reason that kiski nazar tumpar kab kis tarah hai is unpredictable, so no outings, You can’t wear what you want to many atimes coz somebody would be looking at you closely and blah blah.
If you speak out ki aap unko kyuon nai samjha sakte ho, they will say, wo nai samajhte, atleast beta aap toh samjho.
Thik hai, agreed, I will understand, but if even after taking all the precautions if that somebody does a brutal act with me, what should I do???
How many more precautions??
Why isn’t a change brought into his mentality for God’s sake??
I feel if somebody has to be blamed a bit, it’s the movie culture we have here, they portray woman as a sensual object with item numbers just coming out one on one. Please understand majority of the people watching out movies in India are NOT EDUCATED and here I mean Education and not just mere literacy. They really don’t understand what to take back from the movie and what to not. But then I am not here to do the postmortem of the incident.
I am here to learn a lesson and bring a change.
I beg you all readers for a solution worth implementing.
I am in such a bad phase of feeling helpless that I just can’t take it anymore.
How should I educate the citizens of my country?