Saturday, March 29

Talks with the former self over a glass of Lassi :P

Last night my friend told me that our prelim papers are gonna be really really checked as in corrected, for few minutes I actually got nervous, I am solid sure am flunking in the first two, the third I gave was so tiring with sickness, I left it halfway, fourth I didn't give at all and fifth, oh it was good, pretty good. This makes me think, when they say, things go bad, wait, simply wait, it's not the end until it's good. However, the noting point was it was a two minutes anxiety, I was done with it then. I feel the line from Greys Anatomy, that when you have too bad things to think upon, sleep over it, works for me.
I did, Morning I was a different self altogether, calm and done with the thought, that's another thing I slept nagging at that friend of mine that why on Earth you told me that papers are gonna be checked, she knows me pretty well, by pretty well I mean she even knows that perfect moment when someone taunts me and am gonna simply run away from there, I hate taunting back so am kind of a person who will actually cut the convo.
She read it all later and buzzed in the morning apologizing that she didn't think I would react this way. Well, I told her, am done with those thoughts.
Am less anxious with age, that's the best thing I have learnt over the time, I don't show or put my nervous emotions on display, it just doesn't come out, however I have learnt that infront of your besties, you should show it all, rather pour it all, it helps :)
They know how to get you through. I was looking back today, of how I was at those past success moments, the academics I rocked and there was one thing common amongst those years, I didn't have friends, I seriously didn't. Should I conclude I am at my best without these relationships along, like someone recently told me, if you want to live in present and be a success, be selfish, stop talking to people, be mean he meant. I tried connecting these two things, should I stop talking to people, the closed ones I have around, and then something struck me, my former self never got good people, all it had was so called friends who were always concerned of beating the other one in studies, show off types who just wanted to tell what all they had done in studies, would make you scared to death, and would really stress you out, that's why I stayed away, coz yes am a JUGAAD fellow, I don't study everything under the sun, I am not a kind of person who does it all from the day one, there were topics I did on exam days too, simply put, I have been a smart worker and here I am today, trying to follow habits of hard workers.
Bloody hell, sometimes we are just too silly, under estimate ourselves and follow others.
Accept yourself, you are really good, and all that helped me in past was CONFIDENCE, something I have lost completely now.
I am making come back!
It took me so long to realize these things, I don't want you to take that long, really!
Accept and love who you are, you are an Angel!
Just do it your way, if it has worked for you in all those years, don't experiment at this fag end, you won't be really happy happy, I have been there, there is something someone inside you who will say, stop being unfair to me, lemme just be me.
I did, later though, but better :)
Secondly of that the thing of not having people around you, that's true to certain aspect and certain people(who are likes I mentioned above, show off ones) , now I see around, I have two really good friends to hold my hand, they never let me feel low or down, one who makes me realize that she's in the same boat and that she's with me, she's seen me crying really bad, and she was laughing all through coz she found it funny, she really is a sweetheart! And the other who time and again tells me, Nikita, you can do it! If you can't who else, how I wish we had interacted in school days, dude you would have added minimum 10%to my scores, you are simply wow!
If I have to decide on staying away from these two, I will better choose not giving CA at the first place :P
It's good to have good people around, so choose wisely!
And use your own success formulas, we have heard it from people that be your unique self, listening to such stuff is one thing, when testing times come you actually realize it's easy said than done!
These were my bits of talks with my former self, she just roared in, gal, go your way, am dying to see you succeed :)
Time to make her happy! 

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